I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
