I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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