so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
