I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
