glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
