why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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