her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
