OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
