Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
