best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
