Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
