All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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