You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
