i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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