Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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