I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
