Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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