Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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