I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You dont lie about slip and slides
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
