it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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