You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
