Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
