Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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