i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am available for nakedness
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
