I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you didnt know i had herpes?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize