I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
