Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
