So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
