Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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