It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
