it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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