You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
