Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
