Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize