Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
