To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
