i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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