Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
