I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
