At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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