Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
