I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
