I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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