Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
