He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
