Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
