I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
