he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
