who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
