He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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