I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
