Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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