I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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