whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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