just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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