Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I didn't notice because vodka
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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