I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize