I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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