My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
