She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
