just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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