is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
