Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dear god my vagina.
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