I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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