I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
