Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize