Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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