ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Boobs are out for the taking
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
