Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
