Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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